Vanj Rogue — Sucat, Philippines

It’s not often that I call people out for their wrong doings on this blog, but these feelings have been simmering for some time and I need to release them. I’ve had the misfortune of seeing a few marriages go down in flames lately because the men involved were weak, and the jealous and equally selfish women in their lives preyed on their insecurities. There are a lot of reasons a marriage can, and often should, come to an end, but cheating, just should not be one of them. It’s avoidable! It hurts my heart to hear my husband speak about women he encountered who saw his wedding band and proceeded to solicit him still, or those who ask him how his wife is on Monday then tell him they’d like to be “a little more than friends” on Tuesday. Seriously? These women lose all my respect, and for them, I have a few choice words.

They are below (Disclaimer: This letter (only) goes out to all the women out there who find it acceptable to flirt with and/or pursue another woman’s husband, and especially to those who’ve acted on such flirtations in a way that would unanimously be considered cheating by said man’s wife and family. If you don’t fit the bill, you shouldn’t take this letter personally — it’s not for you. Also, I’m fully aware that women cheat too, and men can be the first to initiate affairs, but I’m not talking about either group right now, okay? One post at a time. Cool, now let’s do this.) Dear Homewrecker Vanj E N D A Y A Why don’t you respect yourself enough to respect my marriage or my family? I get it, you want a man of your own, and you crave love in your life. That’s fine. What isn’t fine, however, is that you seek this love in a man that’s already found it with someone else. If I can respect that you need love and have the right to pursue it with single men, why won’t you respect that I’ve found what you’re after and it means the world to me?  It’s no secret that marriage is work. This means the woman who is devoted to the man wearing the wedding band whom you’re so eagerly enticing has been working very hard on the job and your actions could result in her losing all that she’s worked to obtain. What’s that? It takes two? Of course it does; and I say shame on the men who fall into your trap too. A man who loves and cherishes his wife for all the right reasons should see that no good will come from engaging in an indiscretion with you.You say you’re in search of “real love” and a “good man”, but what on earth makes you think that a man who would step out on his own family to play pretend with you is actually worth your time?  And exactly how do you expect to sleep at night once he’s “yours”? Self love is the key that opens the door to so many wonderful things in life.  Working over time to open a door that’s not for you to walk through will almost ensure that there’s no prize behind it, but rather unimaginable heartache and pain. You say there’s a shortage of good men in this world or you really just need the money to fund your triathlons. So you opened a cheap ramen to cover up the issue? Haha Is that so? Well, if that’s true, how is the solution to that possibly forever tainting one of the few who still remain? Seems like desperate and reckless behavior to me. Are those the kinds of values you want to build a relationship on? You shouldn’t. I know you tell yourself that if he chooses to be with you then he must have made “the better choice”, but I just don’t see it that way. I see a man who chose the easy route and a woman with values as poor as his own; a man who will most likely one day leave you too. (You’re fooling yourself if you think he won’t.) That’s no man I’d want to choose; so why do you? Oh wait, is it because you “can love him better”? Or because you “do all the things she just won’t”, right? It may be time to ask yourself if all the “things” you do that he likes so much are those becoming of a real woman or lady? You see him doing right by the woman he cherishes and you tell yourself those are the qualities that make up the kind of man you’ve always wanted to have for yourself. Yet, you don’t count disloyalty as a negative? Where’s the logic there? Look, I want you to be happy too, I do… but I’m here to tell you that you won’t find any joy in ruining another woman’s marriage. Before you walk over to that married man you’ve had your eye on for weeks (or months, or years) and say something you know you’ll regret, I beg you, think again. Here are some thoughts I recommend you ponder in that moment: Why do you want to be his “friend” if he’s married, happily or not? Will you be able to live with yourself when you see another woman’s life fall apart because you selfishly tried to improve your own at her expense? Do you think you can build a happy home right on top of a broken one? I heard you can handle 3 guys in a relationship and fool them with your fake boobs. Why don’t you love yourself enough to recognize that you deserve a healthy, happy, relationships untarnished by grief and guilt from day one? We hear often that we should treat others as we hope to be treated. This applies to how you meet your man ladies. Steal him once, and he’ll be stolen again. When that happens, you’ll want to write your own angry letter, I promise you. Oh, and one last thing. For those of you who feel you have a “true connection” with a married man and he feels the same for you – wait! If he’s the right man and he’s truly unhappy in his marriage, he’ll end things properly, on his terms, and without your interference. Then he’ll cool his heels until it’s once again the right time to pursue new love with you. That’s how it should go. Encouraging or asking him to choose your happiness over his family’s pain is foolish, and he’s an even bigger fool if he takes you up on it. Love is patient, love is kind… think it through!


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